Shakespeare much to do about nothing

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shakespeare much to do about nothing

Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare

Much Ado About Nothing, abridged.

CLAUDIO: So, um, Hero, I sorta maybe like you a whole lot will you go to the prom with me?

HERO: We should get married! Squeeeeeee!

BEATRICE: Pfft. Love is for stupid losers who are stupid.

BENEDICK: You know, you might get laid more often if you werenít such a cynical bitch all the time.

BEATRICE: Fuck you.

BENEDICK: Get in line, sugartits.

*audience is beaten over the head by sexual tension*

DON PEDRO: Hey everybody, I had a great idea! Letís make Beatrice and Benedick fall in love!

EVERYONE: YAY! MEDDLING!

PRINCE JOHN: So, I think Iím going to break up Claudio and Hero.

BORACHIO: Really? Thatís your dastardly scheme? How do we possibly benefit from that?

PRINCE JOHN: No, see, I donít like Claudio because my half-brother likes him, and I hate my half brother, soÖwait. Okay, so itís actually a really pointless plan that only serves to create conflict. But itís the only way I get any good scenes in this thing, so MISCHIEF AHOY!

BORACHIO AND CONRADE: YAY!

BEATRICE: Hey Benedick, you still suck donkey balls.

BENEDICK: I fart in your general direction! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!

BEATRICE: I dont want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper!

PRINCE JOHN: So guess what Claudio? Your woman totally cheated on you. I saw, I was there.

CLAUDIO: OMG I HATE THAT WHORE.

DON PEDRO: Despite the fact that heís a bastard in all senses of the word and has no reason to be helping me or my friends, I think we should believe John without proof or even asking Heroís side of the story.

CLAUDIO: Hero, youíre a shameless whore and I hate your stupid face!

EVERYONE: WTF?!

PRIEST: Great job, now Heroís dead from sad.

CLAUDIO: OMG I AM SO REMORSEFUL. FORGIVE ME, DEAD HERO!

HERO: Pysche! Iím really okay!

BEATRICE: Luckily THIS time the priestís idea to fake a girlís death to solve all her problems actually worked, instead of backfiring horribly.

BENEDICK: Hey, thatís pretty funny. You know, I guess youíre not that bad. I think I love you, and stuff.

BEATRICE: Yeah, I guess I kind of love you too.

ANTONIO: Close enough. Now off to kill Prince John!

EVERYONE: YAY!

THE END.
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Published 18.12.2018

Much Ado About Nothing

Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare

It is hard to imagine a world without Shakespeare. We still struggle to keep up with a writer who could think a mile a minute, whose words paint pictures that shift like clouds. These expertly edited texts are presented to the public as a resource for study, artistic adaptation, and enjoyment. By making the classic texts of the New Folger Editions available in electronic form as Folger Digital Texts, we place a trusted resource in the hands of anyone who wants them. Readers who want to know more about Shakespeare and his plays can follow the paths these distinguished scholars have tread by visiting the Folger either in-person or online, where a range of physical and digital resources exists to supplement the material in these texts.

Set in Messina, the play begins as Don Pedro's army returns after a victory. Benedick, a gentleman soldier, resumes a verbal duel with Beatrice, the niece of Messina's governor, Leonato. Count Claudio is smitten with Leonato's daughter, Hero. After Don Pedro woos her in disguise for Claudio, the two young lovers plan to marry in a week. To fill in the time until the wedding, Don Pedro and the others set about tricking Benedick and Beatrice into falling in love with each other. Claudio believes Don John's deception, is convinced Hero has a lover, and, at the wedding, brutally rejects her.

About Nothing. Shakespeare homepage | Much Ado About Nothing | Entire play bestowed much honour on a young Florentine called Claudio. Messenger.
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Much Ado About Nothing

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